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May 23 2018

whospilledthebongwater:

yroxis:

Personality: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK

Anxiety: I do

No post has ever described my life as accurately as this one

zayrn:

there’s literally no point in teaching girls to be body positive if you only use men’s opinions for validation like “boys like girls with curves” nah get that the fuck out of here

thwiptom:

having a bad day? sleep. have a headache? sleep. wanna relax? sleep. it’s raining outside? sleep. trying to avoid adult responsibilities? sleep.

soviet-nikole:

timesarehardfornewsies:

girls-who-love-stars:

lostenemies:

list of men i trust:

  • john mulaney
  • andy samberg
  • Terry Crews

• Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

• Tom Holland

• Lin-Manuel Miranda

  • Hugh Jackman
2580 efed

hecallsmepineappleprincess:

dracze:

jerk-bending:

megg33k:

I’m not even in this fandom

I made a tumblr to reblog this gif.  Life complete.

ALWAYS REBLOG WATER TRIBE SWAG

Always reblog

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vtmngi:

this week on buzzfeed unsolved: the strange disappearance of peter quill

based off this post (x)

motherforking-bullshirt:

ifdragonscouldtalk:

The Good Place is a remarkably moving piece of media, particularly for today, because it takes the inherently nihilistic viewpoint that humans are the ultimate torture for other humans and turns that completely on it’s head, showing growth and character change in every character with brilliant and subtle writing while at the same time completely reversing what it first posits and suggesting that humans are what drive other humans to become better, and our attitudes are a direct result of our situations in life that we can consciously effect and change. It suggests that growth is a decision, not that we happen upon it. This is important, philosophically and optimistically, especially because it does all this while telling No Exit it is inherently flawed in how it sees humans and is entertaining, staying relevant and popular in today’s fast paced and constantly changing media. In this essay I will–

puppy95:

Gays can’t drive but bisexuals are speed demons I’ll run ur ass off the road honey I️ got places to be

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May 22 2018

the-flame-and-hawks-eye:

I randomly started singing the Polish birthday song to my dog and his tail started wagging to the tune so I sped up and his tail sped up and it was seriously the cutest thing I love him

sabertoothwalrus:

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned it here before but for the past week or so we’ve been looking after a lost (possibly abandoned?) bunny.

She is the sweetest most darling bunny I have ever met. We took her to the vet because she has an infection in her left eye and found out she’s about 4-5 years old and had a litter last summer/early fall.

We ALSO have a litter of 3 month old foster kittens and she LOVES them.

Most of them are just kind of neutral to her but one of them, nicknamed “Blue”, thinks she’s his mom

lieutenantriza:

My favorite thing to do when someone asks me to perform a simple task is to say “No” while doing it

May 21 2018

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nowacking:

luxtempestas:

markv5:

- Котик, где живет теплота?…

(caption) kitty, where does warmth live?

(photo) here

mad-allthetime:

adventurotica:

three-course-dessert:

runicbinary:

la-mancha-screwjob:

sugar4ndroses:

narwhalsarefalling:

starlightandcrimescenes:

gin-and-eschatonic:

agrestenoir:

commanderfraya:

icouldwritebooks:

mirab3lle:

thomrainierskies:

mugsandpugs1:

hermionegranger:

autisticcole:

debrides:

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”

we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

Sometimes when I’m ringing customers up, I’ll read them the time as their total. Like straight up “your total is 4:53 pm”

6ark:

one time i was talking to my ma about telling people to stop being disrespectful to lgbt+ people and stuff, and although she did agree with me, she told me something that a lot of you should hear. she said:

“no matter what you do, some people won’t listen to you anyhow. it’s a waste of time trying to argue with someone just because they don’t agree with you. if you don’t agree with what they like, and if they’re disrespecting you and people who are like you, cut contact with them immediately.”

thor-appreciation-blog:

wild-zamboni:

higglety:

wildnoutinwildemount:

unbothered-anoai:

thor-appreciation-blog:

Marvel: Are you ready for the GOD of motherFUCKING THUNDER?????? He’s six feet of RAW MUSCLE and his hobbies include SMASHING things with a HUGE, MAGIC HAMMER and being a generally SEXY BEAST

The fandom: 

10/10 gif usage

The funniest thing is I imagine Diana and Thor would get along very well, and bond over their dads being the head honchos of the gods. Also lightning and thunder! Diana would probably be like a slightly exasperated big sister to Thor at times. Oh and she can 100% lift Mjolnir and wield Stormbreaker.

and we all know how Thor feels about female warriors. he would think Diana is the absolute coolest

Mjolnir? Stormbeaker? If Thor met her he would absolutely gush over her Lasso of truth!! A weapon designed to have one last ditch effort to resolve a situation even when your opponent has already resigned to battle? One last chance to resolve the conflict before anyone has to get hurt? Even just the fact that it can grapple an enemy instead of kill them outright. Thor would be in awe of Wonder Woman. To Thor she is everything a leader should be, brave, strong, wise, and just like Thor she is enamored by humanity despite it’s flaws. Wonder Woman is Thor’s goals personified. She’s the leader he wants to be

Valid addition

classicdaisycalico:

jellyofthearts:

the most Fun john mulaney fact i’ve learned today is that he had the opportunity to audition for kevin from home alone but his parents said no. 

please take a moment to imagine 7 year old john mulaney as kevin mccallister

*dumps a bunch of toy cars at the bottom of the stairs* S C A T T E R

2720 69ea

anotherdragonsfan:

Power move

“millenials killing cable”

mountainlane:

okay, so here’s the thing. i’ve got a student prime account and netflix. comes to about $15.91 a month. if i added the commercial-free version of hulu, it would come to $27.90 a month.

basic cable before internet is $64.99 a month. which includes commercials. and infomercials. about a quarter of all television is commercials. which is about $16.25 a month to have someone selling shit to you.

explain how it’s my and my generation’s fault that we’re not falling for the same scam our parents are.

Things I want in the next 5 years

mysoleisred:

- a stable job that i love

- enough money to live comfortably and travel

- a fulfulling relationship

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