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February 08 2018


legitimately it’s such a weird and sketchy practice that people at bachelor/ette parties have strippers or encourage the bride/groom to do sexual stuff with other people like before they get married to someone they love and just straight people are weird


you ever just get in bed and ur like yep this is where i’m meant to be


oh u haven’t heard?? it’s all gonna be ok



i miss 2012 when the biggest problem was Gangnam Style being overplayed it was a much simpler time before we knew what 2016 had in store for us

2012 was like the early years of harry potter when the biggest obstacle he faced was a somewhat cranky dog. now 2016 has happened, the triwizard tournament is over and cedric is dead



what she says: im fine

what she means: megamind was an extremely underrated film 

I am thoroughly convinced it just came out a few years too early. If it had come out even 3 or 4 years ago, it would have been a smash hit, a nonstop meme source, and everyone would know about it. It was just literally, and tragically, ahead of its time, and it is a masterpiece of both comedy and film in general, and everyone should see it.

February 07 2018





got an interview tomorrow

I just got hired, reblog this to manifest the job u want into reality

Claiming it.

we got this



saying yo and yall in the same sentence is a sign of a chaotic neutral vocabulary


February 05 2018


I hate when people ask me “what did you do today?” like buddy listen I woke up at noon and then it was five pm okay I don’t kn o w

0267 9339 500


my hand slipped

0298 f9b3 500


Oreo and his carrot



u know what … i changed my mind… all u scientists out there who worked ur butts off just to have your research purposefully ignored by the government… do your science thing and bring back the dinosaurs… catch them ignoring you when a velociraptor is our next president…. like ding dong what’s that? it’s science, it doesn’t care about your silly ignorant opinion… it’s back with a vengeance… and it’s hungry, bitch

I hadn’t considered Jurassic Park as a solution to the Dump Truck presidency but I’ll take it





The 2nd Amendment is no longer the right to bear arms. 
The 2nd Amendment has become the right to take lives.
The 2nd Amendment is no longer aiding citizens. 
The 2nd Amendment is now abetting murderers.

When the laws don’t work, the laws must change. 

Well, clearly you failed 9th grade Social Studies.

You know… I honestly don’t remember how did in 9th grade Social Studies?

I did okay majoring in Political Science and American Government in undergrad though. I graduated summa cum laude so I figure I must have learned something?

Law school also went alright I guess? I did somehow manage to get an article about the constitutionality and modification of excessive force laws through out the 50 states placed in a national publication. And I also managed to pass the Bar Exam. 

But yeah it’s totally possible I failed 9th grade social studies tbh. I was a little shit when I was 15 and gave no fucks. 

Hey, 911, I just witnessed a murder.

‘Sound Of Silence’ Begins To Play. In Seconds, Haunting Performance Takes Everyone’s Breath Away





I do not watch figure skating for reasons. This is absolutely beautiful.  They are so well physically matched, they are like one being. Neither tries to outshine the other. Go watch it.

…holy crap. Talk about in sync with each other.

holy shot how even?!



Destroy the idea that tattoos make you trashy

Destroy the idea that white ppl with tattoos are edgy and poc with tattoos are dangerous


college is like when you go from 1st place to 11th in mario kart because you slipped on your own banana


I’m not worried about Gen Z, us millennials had the cinnamon challenge, and generations all throughout history have done stupid things, like:

Putting poisonous belladonna drops in eyes to make them look bigger (can easily cause blindness, and in rare cases death)

Radioactive makeup

Victorian detachable collars so tight they suffocated people

Corsets in all their organ deforming glory

Skirts so wide women got stuck in doors

And a billion other things.

It’s not gen z or millennials, humans are just stupid.


Saying there are no aliens in the universe is like scooping a cup of water out of the ocean and saying there are no fish.

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